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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191206">Rollercoaster Mind</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuzlDragon/pseuds/PuzlDragon'>PuzlDragon</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Yu-Gi-Oh! - All Media Types, Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime &amp; Manga)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>BAMF Yami Yuugi | Atem, Bipolar Disorder, Canon-Typical Violence, M/M, Sennen Items | Millennium Items, Yami no Game | Shadow Game</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:42:23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,059</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24191206</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PuzlDragon/pseuds/PuzlDragon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Yuugi is concerned about his other self getting out of hand. So is Yami Yuugi.</p><p>He doesn't know what's going on. Is this normal, and his control terrible? Is this a flaw, and he just broken? All he knows is he is on a ride. A rollercoaster ride he wants to get off of.</p><p>The one where Atem has Bipolar.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bakura Ryou &amp; Honda Hiroto &amp; Jounouchi Katsuya &amp; Mazaki Anzu &amp; Mutou Yuugi, Kaiba Seto &amp; Mutou Yuugi, Kaiba Seto &amp; Yami Yuugi, Mutou Sugoroku | Solomon Moto &amp; Mutou Yuugi, Mutou Sugoroku | Solomon Moto &amp; Yami Yuugi, Mutou Yuugi/Yami Yuugi | Atem</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>6</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rollercoaster Mind</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I am VENT WRITING. Sorry everything is vague, 1)I can't access the manga right now for details, and 2) I was trying to get to a point of the story to really be able to dig into.</p><p>This is just a little exploration of his headspace while we summarize the story.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>    He doesn't know who he is. Or where he is. Or why. At first, he thinks he is Yuugi. And he is very upset. Upset at Ushio, for harming him. For trying to steal money from his pockets, and his family. For hurting his friends. Though - he isn't sure why they are his friends. But they are his friends, he knows this. And Ushio hurt them. Upset at lying television directors. Upset at thief shop owners. Upset at gangsters. Upset at murderers.</p><p>    He is caught up in a fit of rage, and then in a blurry confusion feels like he is watching the world from a distance at times. Times where he doesn't feel rage, and blurry, and irritable. Where he doesn't feel on top of the world, or full of glee from puns, and malicious justice.</p><p>    He isn't Yuugi.</p><p>    He realizes this slowly, as his rage calms, bit by bit. He still gets angry. It's hard not to. When people so viciously attack him, and Yuugi, and the people around them. But his anger is not the blinding rage which makes him strangely desire to sink his tiny teeth into people's neck to see what rushing blood feels like at a pulse point. So he is angry, but he holds back that anger. He's never taken more than equal for the crime. But now - he holds back. He does not let viciousness guide his judgment.</p><p>    And as that rushing, burning feeling in his head subsides he realizes something. Not only is he not Yuugi, but the others don't know him. He isn't Yuugi. Or at least, not the main Yuugi. He isn't the Yuugi everyone knows. He isn't the Yuugi everyone made friends with. He isn't the son, the grandson, the friend, or the student that everyone knows and cares for. And a feeling sinks into him.</p><p>    A sensation of drowning. He feels numb, and overwhelmed all at once. He doesn't know what to do with everyone. He doesn't know what to do with the true Yuugi. He doesn't know what to do with himself.</p><p>    So he keeps quiet.</p><p>    He still comes out to protect everyone. He still comes out to stop the unjust. This is his role. He does it well. He is good at this, even though he is good at nothing else. But he switches back as fast as possible. The moment he is unneeded, he turns to the confusing shadows of his heart. His friends are not really his friends. They want Yuugi. The true Yuugi. They don't want him.</p><p>    He is only a part. A shadow. And he shall look after the true Yuugi, in every way he is needed. For this is his role.</p><p>    And he sinks into that. Every moment not spent fighting, or outthinking opponents, and enemies is spent losing. Losing to this fog that invades his brain. This weakness, this heaviness that invades his limbs. His chest is heavy. It is hard to breathe. He is glad that in the corners of his heart, he need not breathe. He cannot cry here, either. He does not cry when he controls Yuugi's body. Yuugi does not deserve his gleeful self be marked with tearstreaks.</p><p>    It gets harder to come out every time. But he does. He is needed. This is the only purpose he has. So he fulfills it. And then it comes to a head.</p><p>    Or a game.</p><p>    They face this other Bakura. This Bakura from the Millennium Ring. He wonders, am I from the Millennium Puzzle? But there is no time for wondering. He looks down at the true Yuugi. The Yuugi so kind, so brave, who chose to risk his life, and soul to fight alongside his friends. He is afraid to look down. He is afraid of what he will hear. What he will see.</p><p>    He is greeted with Yuugi's smile. Yuugi is happy to meet him. Their friends are happy to meet him -and call him their friend. When he says he will protect them, they trust him. When he says they can rely on him, they do. When he shows how the coward is tricking them, they delight in his knowledge.</p><p>    And they win together. They save each other. And they gain -and keep - a new friend. And he has so many friends, now. Friends happy to have him.</p><p>    Soon, Yuugi writes notes to him. Notes of his thoughts, and conversations. Notes of things their friends with to convey to him. Games they play together. Riddles Yuugi has found. And it is a bright light.</p><p>    It does not take away the weight his limbs, the fog in his head. It does not take away the days his heart cries. But each of his friends is a light in the dark times. And Yuugi shines the brightest. Though he cannot interact with Yuugi directly the way he can with their friends, Yuugi is a warm presence he can feel in his heart.</p><p>    But then everything gets worse. And he can feel it on the trip over there. His head is lava, swirling around in a hurricane. He wants to contain it, but he feels like it controls him. He runs after people he doesn't know. People he only know have cheated them. He feels trusting enough to make friends with people he was in a rage with hours before. He's making bets. Bets with his life. Letting wire nooses go around his neck. Making bets with someone else's life. He regrets it almost immediately. To be harmed costs Yuugi's life. His friend's pain. Grandpa suffering without them to save him. But he turns around, and does it again. That magma pulses through his veins. He's shaky. Not from fear, or anxiety. But from the sheer, strange excitement pounding in his head.</p><p>    He is betting with someone else's life. Yes, Grandpa's life is on the line. But nothing is impossible. Surely, there is another way to save him. Yet, there he is, almost calling Kaiba's bluff.</p><p>    A part of him knows Kaiba would do it.</p><p>    There is something driving him. Making him feel as possessed as the way he drives Yuugi's body. He doesn't understand. But as Yuugi fights to keep him in balance, he fights as well. To keep this unknown driving him from destroying everything him, and everything he adores in the fall out.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This story is part of the LLF Comment Project, which was created to improve communication between readers and authors. This author invites and appreciates feedback, including:<br/>-Short comments<br/>-Long comments<br/>-Questions<br/>-Constructive criticism<br/>-“&lt;3” as extra kudos<br/>-Reader-reader interaction<br/>LLF Comment Builder<br/>This author replies to comments.<br/>If you don’t want a reply, for any reason (sometimes I feel shy when I’m reading and not up to starting a conversation, for example), feel free to sign your comment with “whisper” and I will appreciate it but not respond!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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